Work to be kind, loving, and understanding to your spouse. If you’re having a bad day and snap out a comment or response, make sure you apologize; give your spouse the basic respect they deserves instead of thinking you can do whatever you want because you’re married. You should also respect your spouse’s privacy. Don’t go snooping through their phone, letters, email account, bank statements etc if you expect them to feel respected.
Though it’s not always easy to let go of the past, you shouldn’t bring it up out of spite. Remember that your spouse is a living, breathing person too and that you shouldn’t bring up the past just to hurt them.
Of course, we all zone out from time to time. If that happens during a conversation, don’t pretend like you’re following; apologize and figure out what your spouse was really saying. Ask your spouse questions to show that you really do care; you don’t want them to feel like they are boring you. Sometimes, all your spouse needs after a hard day is for someone to listen. You don’t have to feel compelled to give advice all the time.
If your family or friends aren’t getting along with your spouse, don’t take sides against your spouse, even if you think that your spouse is being unreasonable ; make sure you’re considerate of your spouse’s feelings and that you give all the love and support they deserve.
Never say things in anger intentionally meaning to hurt your partner. Cruel words you said but didn’t mean may be hard for your spouse to forget—they can cause lasting damage to your relationship. If you do end up saying something you don’t mean, make sure you apologize. When arguing, keep to the subject and don’t personally attack your partner. In order to have strong communication, you have to be aware of your partner’s thoughts and moods even before you have a conversation. You should be able to read your partner’s body language and expression to be able to tell whether something is wrong and to feel comfortable bringing it up.
You should be the person your spouse trusts more than anyone in the world. Don’t do anything to jeopardize that trust. If you do make a mistake, make sure to apologize for it.
If you and your partner are out in a social setting and you notice that something isn’t quite right, don’t ask about it in front of everyone; pull your partner aside to show that you’re really paying attention.
Making this small effort to say these three sacred words can make a big difference in your relationship. Don’t just say these words because you want something or because you’re making up after a fight; say them just because you truly feel them. That’s when it means the most.
Taking the time to kiss your partner for just six seconds in the morning can spark the passion in your relationship. Don’t just give a perfunctory “Bye, honey” kiss on the cheek; make sure you mean it, even if you’re in a rush.
If you feel like your schedules have been insanely busy and you haven’t had time alone together, then you should try to steal even a few minutes of your spouse’s time, whether you go for a quick walk together during a family outing or spend some time alone at a party. As for your dates, make sure you plan those well ahead of schedule, so you and your spouse know to keep your schedules clear for those dates.
Not everyone likes to be touched the same amount, especially not in public. Even if you’re not a big hugger, or a PDA person, make sure you give your partner reassuring touches at the right moment as much as you can. It goes without saying that maintaining a healthy sex life can also help your relationship flourish. Be open and honest with your partner about exploring what you like and don’t like.
If you’ve been too busy to do some of the usual things you do for your partner, try to make up for it when you have a bit more time. Let your partner know that you’re aware that you haven’t been as attentive as usual and that you want to make up for it.
You can even write your partner a love note thanking them for all of the things they have done for you, from taking care of the dog while you’ve been sick to planning the most amazing birthday party ever for you.
Though special occasions, such as birthdays or anniversaries, can be a great time to give a gift, sometimes the most thoughtful gifts of all are given just because. Then your spouse won’t feel like you gave a gift just because you were obligated to do so.
Your spouse may even deny that they needs extra help, but if you can see that they are stressed out and overwhelmed, make the effort to cook, take care of the dog, or run some basic errands that week.
If you both spend time pursuing your own hobbies and interests, then you’ll continue and grow as people. You don’t want to be the exact same person you are now twenty years from now, do you? Plus, if you and your spouse spend more time apart, then you’ll be able to appreciate the time you spend together more. It’s easier to take each other for granted when you’re always together. You don’t have to bring your spouse along every time you hang out with your friends just because you’re married. Though you both should be integrated in each other’s social lives, it’s important to make time for “guy time” or “girl time” too, so you continue to build your friendships and your support network.
Make sure to keep up with your date nights. Whether you have a date night every week or every other week, keep your dates with your spouse and make sure you don’t do the same old thing every time. Find time for romance even when you’re at home. Whether you’re watching a romantic comedy or making dinner together with candles lit everywhere, it’s important to keep things feeling exciting even when you’re just at home from time to time. Try writing each other really meaningful cards each year on your anniversary. Take the time to really write down all of the reasons why you love your spouse. It can be romantic simply to keep your relationship feeling fresh and spontaneous. Going away on a last-minute weekend trip, signing up for a dance class on a whim, or opening that nice bottle of fancy wine you’ve been saving forever without planning for it can make your relationship feel very romantic and exciting.
Whether you’re making a big decision or a small one, you should make sure that both of you get to tell your sides of the story before a decision is made. Listening is important. Let your spouse express their feelings without interrupting or disagreeing. Make sure you hear them out before you say what’s on your mind. When it comes to compromising, it’s important to remember that it’s often better to be happy than to be right. Ask yourself whether you really want what you’re fighting for, or if you’re just being stubborn; that said, you want to make sure that you both make compromises for each other.
If you love your spouse, then you have to make an effort to love their family and friends. If your spouse has a particularly challenging family or group of friends, then do your best to understand where they are coming from and talk to your spouse about how you can build a stronger relationship with them without putting them down.
Of course, if you get into a pattern where one spouse is always supporting the other, that can get a bit frustrating and exhausting. If you feel like you’re always in the supportive role, talk about what your spouse can do to help you feel more like an individual.
If you expect your marriage to be perfectly blissful every day, then you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. Remember that your spouse has flaws, just like you do. If you expect perfection, then you’ll only get sad or bitter. If your spouse has flaws you’d like them to work on, such as always being late, then have an honest, open conversation about it, and be willing to change the bad habits you can change, too.
Be understanding of the ways in which your spouse is changing. If you feel that there are problems and he or she is turning into a person you don’t quite know anymore, then make sure you talk about it. As you grow older, while it’s important to continue your own personal journey, it can also help you to develop interests together. Whether you like cooking together, following your favorite sports team, or watching the same shows year after year, it’s important to find a routine that can give you something to look forward to as a couple. What matters most is that you and your spouse continue to love each other and be understanding of the fact that you will both go through ups and downs in your lives; if you’re true partners, then you’ll both grow into stronger, more capable, and more loving people.
