A lot of people grow up being taught sex is shameful, should be reserved for marriage, and is only to be experienced between a man and a woman. [1] X Research source If the idea of sex makes you feel guilty or stressed, maybe you should wait. Try talking to someone about your feelings. It is normal to feel insecure or unconfident about your body. But if you are scared or cannot be naked because of how you look, it might be a sign that you’re not quite ready to be with a partner. Don’t feel ashamed of your sexual preferences. Only you can decide who you’re attracted to and what type of sex you want. Everybody has limits and preferences, so don’t feel guilty about them.
If pregnancy is a possibility, talk about birth control and protection before you have sex. You might say, “I’m on birth control, but I would like for you to still use a condom. ” Let them know what your fears and expectations are and how you’re feeling. You might say, “I’m really nervous about it hurting the first time. ” Tell your partner if there’s something you want to try or something you absolutely don’t want to do. For example, you can tell them, “I like oral sex, but I’m not really into anal. ” If you’re nervous or anxious, let them know. If they dismiss your feelings, it may be a sign that they do not take your concerns seriously.
If you feel pressured to have sex, talk to a trusted adult for help. Remember that you never have to have sex unless you want to. No one should pressure you into doing something you don’t want to.
Masturbation can help you understand what you enjoy when it comes to sex. Before having sex with a partner, try experimenting with yourself.
If the hymen is damaged or torn, it will most likely bleed. This can be seen whilst and after sex. The amount of blood should not be nearly as much blood as if you were on your period. Tearing/“breaking” your hymen shouldn’t be very painful. Pain during sex is usually caused by friction. This can happen if you are not lubricated or aroused enough.
If you use tampons, take note of how you approach inserting a tampon. Try to recreate that same angle when you start penetrative sex. If you don’t use tampons, insert a finger next time you’re in the shower. Aim toward your lower back; if that doesn’t feel comfortable, shift forward slightly until you find a point that’s comfortable.
Try to locate your clitoris before you have sex. You can do this by masturbating or by looking with a mirror and a flashlight. This can help you guide your partner to it during sex, especially if your partner is also a virgin. Orgasming before penetration may actually help reduce pain during sex. Try to engage in oral sex during foreplay and before penetration. Your partner can also stimulate your clitoris with their fingers or a sex toy.
Look for privacy, a comfortable surface to lie down on, and a time when you aren’t worried about being on a schedule. Think about whether you’re more comfortable having sex at your place or theirs. If you’re in a dorm or if you share a room, you might ask your roommate to give you some time alone that night.
Dim lighting, soft music, and a warm room temperature can help make you feel safe and comfortable. Consider taking some time to groom yourself beforehand so that you feel relaxed and confident.
If your partner doesn’t want sex, do not pressure them. If you do not want sex, they should back off when you say no. Consent also means that you shouldn’t do anything that your partner isn’t enthusiastic about.
Condoms aren’t the only type of protection! If your partner is going to preform oral sex on you, vise versa, you should use dental dams and protect against STDs. There are both male/external and female/internal condoms available. If you need to buy condoms, the most important thing about condoms is that they fit. Partners should buy a few different types of condoms. Try them on and see what fits best. If your partner has a latex allergy, nitrile condoms are a great alternative. If pregnancy is a possibility, condoms should be worn before, during, and after penetration. This will increase your protection against STIs and pregnancy.
If you’re using latex condoms, do not use an oil-based lubricant. These can weaken the latex and cause the condom to tear or break. Instead, use a silicone- or water-based lube. It is safe to use any type of lube with a nitrile or polyurethane condom.
Foreplay can help you relax while increasing arousal. It can also increase your natural lubrication, making it easier for your partner to enter you painlessly. Remember that you can stop having sex at any point. Consent is active and ongoing. You have the right to stop or withdraw consent at any point you want.
If you’re feeling pain, try slowing down, moving more gently, or using more lubrication. For example, if you feel pain, you might say, “Do you mind if we slow down? This is hurting me right now. ” You can ask your partner to try a different position if the one you’re using is uncomfortable. For example, if you are on top of your partner, you can better control the speed and angle of penetration.
