Make sure you share your feedback with a respectful demeanor, keeping sarcasm and anger out of your voice. You may want to practice forgiveness before each time you share feedback. You should also take a mental step back from the relationship and determine that while your spouse isn’t 100% what you want, they are mostly good, which allows you to accept them unconditionally, in spite of the little things that irritate you. When you sense a critical thought coming to your mind, arrest the thought and redirect it toward acceptance of your spouse as whole.
Reward yourself with something small, like a bit of chocolate, an episode of a show you like, or even a mini-break from a monotonous task.
Do simple touches like a pat on the should when they do a good job, a small kiss on the forehead, or touch fingers. Simple compliments communicate affection as well, like telling your wife she made a good dinner or sharing how happy something your husband did made you.
Focus on them when you realize they are sharing something with you. Thank them when say supportive or complimentary things, as this shows that you heard them. Show up with a gift of an item they recently mentioned wanting to have.
Make eye contact when they talk, or ask them to make eye contact with you when you talk.
Make an effort to provide the things that you discover they like in gifts, at home, or on outings.
Choose not to be rude, critical, or other negative things.
If you normally ignore your desires in an effort to put others first, try reversing this habit and expressing what you want before others do. Use “I” statements when you’re expressing how you feel and describing what you want to change about your marriage so your spouse doesn’t get defensive. [9] X Expert Source Jin S. Kim, MALicensed Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
If you still have kids that need a babysitter, don’t be afraid to hire one. You may want to set up a weekly dating routine so that you are sure to date your spouse in the midst of a busy life.
You can use the strategy of doing new things to surprise your spouse with something they’ve always wanted to do.
Doing things that you used to do when you felt strong emotion for your spouse can remind you what it felt like and help you feel it again.
This might be something big, like an affair or betrayal, or a bunch of small things, like ignoring you, lying to you, etc. Writing them down helps you to see your thoughts and organize them so that you don’t have to think about them anymore.
Again, these things might be big, like cheating on you, or they can be a bunch of small things, like forgetting an anniversary, not helping you around the house, etc.
There can be a lot of reasons why you have a hard time forgiving, and studying them can help you let go of anger. [13] X Research source
This does not mean that you will be able to suddenly cease behaviors that you have been doing for years, and neither will your spouse. You should both have grace for each other through this process.
