Learn your partner’s preferred method for communication. Be sure to try a variety of technologies to see what works best for you both. [6] X Research source Aylor, B. A. (2003). Maintaining long-distance relationships. Maintaining relationships through communication: Relational, contextual, and cultural variations, 127-140. You may try texting, emailing, or video-calling to keep up to date with little daily details of your lives. Work around your schedules. If you know you’re going to be too busy to communicate, let your partner know in advance and try to stay in contact as best you can. If you’re not as busy as your partner, remain flexible and focus on something of interest to you.
Talking about the boring or mundane parts of your day can also foster connection and interdependence, the foundation of relationships. [8] X Research source Sahlstein, E. M. (2006). Making plans: Praxis strategies for negotiating uncertainty–certainty in long-distance relationships. Western Journal of Communication, 70(2), 147-165. Share other small things during the day. You can send your partner a song and tell them that it reminds you of them, or you can share a YouTube clip that you are watching.
Create your own rituals around your visits, like eating at a favorite restaurant, enjoying a quiet night together at home, or sharing a favorite activity. Smooth out travel logistics so they don’t get in the way of your time together. Know where to meet at the airport or train station. Learn to travel with one bag or leave basics at your partner’s home to save time at the airport. Meet away from home sometimes, too. Visit a place together that is new to both of you or choose a place that is halfway between both of you.
Knowing each other’s preferences will also help when you want to exchange gifts. Gift exchange is just another way to communicate your feelings for each other over the long distance. [13] X Research source Aylor, B. A. (2003). Maintaining long-distance relationships. Maintaining relationships through communication: Relational, contextual, and cultural variations, 127-140.
Maintaining day-to-day communication about your everyday lives will help humanize your partner and become aware of changes your partner might be going through. [15] X Research source Aylor, B. A. (2003). Maintaining long-distance relationships. Maintaining relationships through communication: Relational, contextual, and cultural variations, 127-140.
Interdependence can be seen in everyday activities like compromising about decisions and long-term behaviors like quitting smoking.
Jealousy is harmful for your relationship. If you smother the person, expecting them to answer immediately every time, or if you spend your time wondering where they go and with whom, it won’t do you any good. Frequent use of email and online resources can help cultivate trust in romantic relationships. [21] X Research source Dainton, M. , & Aylor, B. (2002). Patterns of communication channel use in the maintenance of long‐distance relationships. Communication Research Reports,19(2), 118-129. [22] X Research source Johnson, A. J. , Haigh, M. M. , Becker, J. A. , Craig, E. A. , & Wigley, S. (2008). College Students’ Use of Relational Management Strategies in Email in Long‐Distance and Geographically Close Relationships. Journal of Computer‐Mediated Communication, 13(2), 381-404.
Watch out for behaviors where your partner tries to manipulate you into doing something that only benefits your partner, like lying about an emergency to get you to answer your phone during an important business meeting. If dishonesty and manipulation become a part of your communication, then you must revisit why your relationship lacks trust.
Share your online calendars too. If you miss each other, you’ll have someplace to look to see why. You’ll also have something to talk about, as in “How was the concert last night?” Get involved in each other’s professional life. For example, if you are working on a work project, ask your partner what they think of it and whether they have any suggestions. If you are in school, ask them to go through your paper with you.
Plan to cook the same meal on the same day. If neither of you are into cooking, you might just plan to eat the same cuisine or snack. Read the same book or article. You can even take turns reading it aloud to each other. Watch a TV show or movie simultaneously. Keep a call open and share your reactions. Use video phones to chat while having meals or watching movies together. Sleep together. You can both get on the phone or video chat and fall asleep together. Doing this occasionally can make you feel closer. If time zones are too different, try instead to be online to say good morning or good night to your partner.
Take advantage of the internet. You could play an online multiplayer game or something traditional, like chess. Either way, you can chat while playing, giving you a greater feeling of togetherness.
Don’t feel as though you can send something that makes a grand gesture. The little, frequent things are just as important as making the person feel special on special occasions.
Remind yourself that your partner is thinking of you while you do these activities together, even though you’re far apart. It can strengthen your bond.
If one of you must someday move so that you can be together, that person will be leaving friends behind. Start right away to begin a new social and professional network for the partner who is moving.
While these can be hard questions to ask and might lead to difficult conversations, defining the relationship will save you great heartache and misunderstanding later. This is important to build the relationship you both want.
It’s understandable that you might only want to focus on the positive. But, you should let your partner know your low points. [32] X Research source Stafford, L. , & Merolla, A. J. (2007). Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships,24(1), 37-54. Both of you are human, and it’s ok to not always be happy.
In a long-distance relationship, it is important to know that you are building something together, and that there is something in the future for you. As long as you see the long-distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and send that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.
For example, you may be prepared to have difficulties around important dates or holidays that you must be apart for. If you know you can’t be together for your anniversary, try to plan some special way to connect anyway.
