Approach her like you would any other stranger and focus on being polite and friendly. If you don’t have a specific end goal, chances are she’ll be more receptive to you. Expecting or demanding that she reciprocates your attention creates an uncomfortable or off putting dynamic between you.
If she’s wearing headphones, reading a book, or on the phone, you can probably assume she doesn’t want to be interrupted. It’s tempting to try and engage someone who’s in a large group, but people in big gatherings or group activities usually prefer to focus on the people they’re with. It’s best not to approach a woman if it’s dark out, if you’re in a deserted area, or if you’re with friends while she’s alone. These factors can make a woman feel threatened. [4] X Research source
If she’s interested in you, there’s a chance that she will approach you herself. That’s a definite sign she’s open to chatting! Eye contact is a subtle way to gauge her interest in a lot of scenarios whether you’re at a bar, on the subway, or in a coffee shop. Catcalling tactics like whistling, honking, or making kissy noises to get her attention are usually considered disrespectful and inappropriate (and never work). [7] X Research source
Ask for her name instead of calling her pet names like “baby” or “cutie” when you meet. She doesn’t know you yet and probably won’t appreciate those terms. Stick with a simple “Hi, I’m Paul” instead of a well-rehearsed, cheesy pickup line (those might work on Tinder, but aren’t very effective face-to-face). Pretend you’re only trying to make a friend and not plotting for a date or hookup. Friendly small talk is more effective than you think at getting her to warm up to you. [9] X Research source
Try something like “Wow, it’s crowded in here for a Tuesday morning” or “Hey, do you know which aisle the quinoa is in?” to break the ice. Smiling, laughing, looking at you, and engaging in the conversation are all signs she’s open to talking more. If her response is terse, she’s looking away while she answers, or she’s giving you one-word answers, she probably wants to end the interaction.
“That’s a really cool necklace. What kind of stone is that?” “I like your Arctic Monkeys shirt, they’re one of my favorite bands. ” “The print on your pants is awesome, I’ve never seen it before. ”
“That Van Gogh exhibit looks awesome, I’ve been dying to go. ” “I can’t wait for Burgerfest next week, I go every year. ” “Uptown is a super cool neighborhood, you should check it out sometime. ”
Ask to give her your number instead of just telling it to her. Try “Can I give you my number?” or “I’d like to give you my number if that’s ok?” This spares you the awkwardness and disappointment of being given a fake number if she’s not interested. Remember that she’s not obligated to give anyone her contact information if she doesn’t want to, no matter how nice or respectful they are.
If things went well, say a quick goodbye as you’re leaving the bar, gym, or store. It’s a chance to leave another impression and offer your number or some plans if you didn’t earlier.
Be selective when you decide who to shoot your shot with. If a woman sees you talking to multiple others before you even approach her, she’ll probably write you off right away.
“I’ve been thinking all weekend about those White Sox tickets. Any chance you’d want to go to a game together soon?” “That Monet exhibit we talked about closes in a few days. Wanna check it out this weekend?” “Been craving sushi ever since we talked about it at Cocoran’s haha. Maybe I can take you out to dinner tonight?”
